Examining Bias to Reduce Pity and Increase Empathy
Guest Author: Jolie Rittenberry-Kraemer, M.A., AMFT
Understanding Bias and the Path from Pity to Empathy
We live in a time when being a marginalized person in America carries countless stressors. Some may argue that marginalized communities have endured adversity before and emerged resilient—and in many ways, they have. Yet, to live as a marginalized person today is not the same as in decades past. The social, political, technological, and medical landscapes have shifted dramatically.
Visibility has increased, but so too has scrutiny, misinformation, and backlash. Survival continues to demand resilience, but resilience should not replace vulnerability.
How Privilege Shapes Emotional Responses
Often, individuals with social privilege struggle to communicate the complexity of their emotions when engaging with those who are disempowered in some way. It is not uncommon to hear sentiments like “you’re a superhero” or “you’re so brave.” While these statements may be intended as affirming, they can unintentionally carry unexamined bias.
Such language can subtly suggest that identity is a choice or that an individual’s existence is defined primarily by suffering and endurance. For many, living authentically is not optional—it is a matter of safety, belonging, and survival.
From Pity to Empathy: A Necessary Shift
At best, statements like “you’re a superhero” or “you’re so brave” can convey admiration; at worst, they can reflect discomfort. When someone makes conversation that highlights someone’s difference from them, it can unconsciously communicate “I recognize that our experiences are not the same, but I would not want to be in your shoes.” The same expression can stem from pity or empathy and have a very different meaning.
Pity acknowledges difference from a position of superiority.
Empathy seeks to bridge difference through understanding and curiosity.
Reducing pity and increasing empathy begins with examining personal bias—the implicit beliefs that shape our emotional reactions to difference.
Confronting Implicit Bias to Foster Empathy
Pity can act as a defense mechanism against discomfort, while empathy requires courage to stay emotionally present. When we fail to confront bias, we risk reinforcing power hierarchies, even when our intentions are supportive.
Genuine empathy involves:
Awareness of systems that create marginalization
Recognition of one’s own privileges
Willingness to listen without judgment
Commitment to action and solidarity
Empathy is not passive—it’s a regulated, intentional practice rooted in reflection, humility, and emotional engagement.
Identity Development and Emotional Growth
Identity development is cyclical, not linear. Growth means revisiting earlier understandings and confronting discomfort repeatedly. Similarly, shifting from pity to empathy requires revisiting assumptions and choosing connection over avoidance.
Systemic bias produces internal conflict. Marginalized individuals often navigate between authenticity and safety, balancing visibility against self-protection. True empathy recognizes these dynamics rather than simplifying them into narratives of struggle or strength.
Empathy as an Act of Solidarity
Embracing marginalized identity involves dismantling internalized shame and reclaiming one’s full humanity. When others respond with pity, they risk reinforcing isolation. Empathy honors complexity—it validates pain and courage without idealizing or pathologizing identity.
Empathy dissolves hierarchy. It transforms awareness into solidarity—a shared commitment to understanding, equity, and healing.
Seeking Support for Bias and Empathy Work
If you are exploring how bias awareness and empathy development can improve your relationships and well-being, professional guidance can help. Working through these feelings in a safe, nonjudgmental space fosters growth and emotional balance.
If you or your family are facing challenges related to bias or privilege, we can help. Our team provides compassionate, evidence-based support for individuals and families seeking deeper empathy and connection.
📞 Call (310) 271-2275 or contact us here to schedule an appointment and begin your journey toward understanding, empathy, and connection.