Parental estrangement is one of the most painful and complex forms of family conflict. It can feel similar to a divorce or a romantic breakup: a deep relational rupture that ends a connection and brings a sense of finality. Yet unlike other relationships, estranged family members rarely become complete strangers. Parents and children often remain part of each other’s lives in some way—psychologically, symbolically, or socially—which can make the pain more enduring and harder to resolve.

You’re sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic after picking up your kids. You still have to get home, make dinner, help with homework, and get everyone to bed at a reasonable hour. Maybe—maybe—you’ll have a moment to yourself at the end of it all.

As the frustration builds, you start to vent. There’s a part of you that knows your kids aren’t the right people to unload on. And then there’s another part, perhaps the louder part in this moment that is just crying out for help.

Are you feeling frustrated in your relationship with your parent(s)?  Do you keep hoping that they will change how they react to you, how they give you support, or will finally understand you?  You are not alone. Even as adults, many people find it hard to change the familiar and deeply rooted ways they interact with their parents.

The goal of this article is to help you understand how the dynamic between you and your parent(s) began, how to understand your parent(s), and what you can do to improve your experience with them.